Tuesday, May 11, 2010

New Poem (Rough Draft) - Breathe In, Breathe Out - May 11, 2010

Breathe In, Breathe Out

we fade away
we waste our days
i sit and stare
as these four walls
look increasingly the same
look increasingly ashamed
to me here
a prisoner still
after all the secrets i still can't spill

are just a breath away
but i'm too scared to play
the game where you finally let it all out in a single rushing breath
let it die its slow and lovely little death
its final farewell just a swell of the air that surrounds you
as you feel the weight
and all the gates
lift and open up like a flower in full bloom
but for you it's way too fucking soon
so you sit in stale air
breathless, lonely, and scared
never knowing the heights you weren't meant to scale
and it's all so pale
you were once a rascal, now you're lacking in bravado

do you have what it takes
to let everything break
in order to build anew
it's just up to you
do or die
sink or swim
all those old adages are so very wise
when you look in your eyes
and they're so very dead
lacking in that joy that spreads

from within you become a thing that without
is something more than just this sac of skin and bone
but it's up to you to hone
the unsharpened swords
it's time to finally battle the hordes
of kudzu that crowd
you into this place
keeping you stuck in a race
that you never seem to win
to which there is no end

just take a step back and see
what you've done to me
you've got me caged and confined
breathless, shaking, and blind
and all you have to do
is loosen one little screw
let the lid fall from the box
don't stop to think or you'll get lost
let those spirits fly away
don't save them for yet another day
they'll be your undoing
and all it takes is one little breath
just inhale and release
that exhalation is peace
now do it again
and this time let it all just slip away like so much dead skin to shed
that's all you need do
and then it all comes rushing back to you

all those things you've laid waste will suddenly not seem like such a useless waste
the body you've abandoned
the mind you've neglected
will come running back to you
they'll jump in your arms
you'll suddenly feel strong
holding all that power in just a breath or a sigh
a blink of the eye
a curl of the lip
a hand on the hip
your movements so smooth
your gait so improved
and all you need do
is let it all go down the drain
swirling down the pipes
then off to float among the other waste
that's all you need do
it's all up to you
breathe out the garbage and
breathe back in the fiber that is you

let it out, let it in
this is how it begins
the middle to which there's no end
just you and the light
never out of sight
so hold it within
grow thicker skin
forget how to feel
if all you want is these four walls looking increasingly the same
if all you want is these four walls in which you stay ashamed

but if you want to live
the one thing you gotta do is give
give to yourself
the gift of breath, the gift of air, the gift of sight
give yourself the gift of life
then begin this again
it never ends
you must always inhale, exhale
out with the old, in with the new
keep what is pure, fuck the noise that only stifles you
but just do the things you know you have to do

this is your life
it's not just four walls
it's supposed to be a motherfucking ball
but what have you got?
in this moment, this sigh,
the desperate, breathless, soundless, epic cry
of just another old refrain
about the things that'll pass you by
but now you know better than that
so you can get to where the good stuff's all at

just breathe in and breathe out
have faith, rid yourself of doubt
love all that is you
this is the thing that above all else you must do
then you'll see it's all true
so much truer than this
so much closer to bliss
filled with moments of joy
epiphany and grace
but you've gotta put on your brave face
and look at those walls, the ones fencing you in
and say never again
will you hold me in your loving prison to live this waking death


copyright 2010 Katherine Andrews