New Poem: The Evil Underbelly of Awakening

8-20-09
The Evil Underbelly of Awakening

There is an evil moment on awakening when all things seem to pause --
evil because in that still moment, that moment of nothingness, of
peace, of the kind of solitude that curls around your leg like a cat's tail --
comforting and cuddly,
there is no uncertainty, no anxiety, no guilt, no past or future taunting you
with their promises, broken and yet to come to fruition, or with images from your mind's eye
that you try so hard to erase, to bury, to ignore, but are never succesful at ridding yourself of.
This moment, frozen, lets you forget all these things. It tricks you, making you believe that the slate's clean
when we all know there is no such thing as a clean slate.
People never fail to remind of us
of the things we should or shouldn't have done.
And then we awake and it all rushes back into our consciousness' -- the days we've wasted
and the people we've replaced and
the things left undone,
the words that wounded like razor-sharp and finely-honed knives,
the eyes that we see in our dreams,
the regrets and wishes and unfilfilled desires,
our already burning funeral pyres,
the breaths we forget to breathe,
the seasons that never seem to leave,
lingering past their alloted time,
they drive us insane.
Yes, there is an evil moment on awakening when all things seem to pause --
when we forget the sound of our own breathless screams.

copyright 2009 Katherine Andrews